I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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