you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
