does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
