I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
