Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
