what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
