do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
