I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
