You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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