is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
