Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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