U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
