dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We're using joints as your birthday candles
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
