Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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