Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
