i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
