I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
