addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
