Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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