we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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