totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it glows. i had to have it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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