If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
