garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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