Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
