I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.