Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?