you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?