My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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