So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
