Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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