Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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