I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
