actually, I'm a sock model
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
