Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
