ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
