I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
