i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Alive.
So much puke
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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