i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
