I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
