matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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