Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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