Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
