Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
