Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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