jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
