I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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