i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
