oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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