when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
