conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
