Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
