I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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