my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My ass is underappreciated
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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