you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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