Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
