She just used a chaser for red wine.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
