good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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