Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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