he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I believe in your delicious
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
