Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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