I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My life is pants optional.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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