It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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