Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
