I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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