so explain again why im purple
no
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need water and some morals
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
