Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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