Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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