I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
