Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
