Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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