I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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