I faked an abortion last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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