Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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