I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize