I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
