We're like a lot better than the average bears
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
