Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
