Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
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