I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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