her vagine was all disorganized.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
