weddingsv make me drug and hornr
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
