I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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