I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
